Both Kate and Tyler are highly creative, caring and sensitive people. Why should their sexual orientation preclude them from enjoying basic human rights?
The thing that haunted me most was how Tyler had professed that he had praying for all those years for God to change him and He hadn't. One day, it just kind of hit me:
He didn't change Tyler because Tyler didn't need to be changed.
God loves Tyler...and Kate and every person - gay or straight.
It felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I finally had some understanding. It made sense to me.
I'd like to say that the burden was also lifted from Tyler and Kate. Both are still navigating their feelings about faith. It's a daily struggle; there's so much anger and hate being disseminated on a daily basis that denigrates their existence.
The issue of gay marriage has always been a very divisive issue and it continues to garner a huge segment of what the media feels we need to be up in arms about. I just don't get it. Who is to say that a heterosexual couple has more right be married than a gay couple? Are the heterosexuals better equipped to love each other? To raise children in a stable, loving environment? There are too many divorces, bitter custody battles and single parent households to substantiate either of those claims.
Several years ago, Kate's partner, Morghan, had an out-patient procedure performed. Kate was not allowed to be with her beforehand (or after) because she wasn't considered "family." Even though it was a minor procedure, it was still upsetting to Kate and Morghan that they couldn't be be together.
I've learned a lot about myself and the attitudes of others towards my children. That time of intense Bible study once confounded me as I grappled to get my heart and head aligned. But the God I learned to love during that time of spiritual growth is a benevolent God. One who loves, One who creates and One who is merciful.
My job is not to judge my children (or anyone else). My job is to love them and pray that they are allowed to find peace, justice, fulfillment and love. The same prayer every parent has for their kids.
If I'd had the ability to choose homosexuality for my kids, would I? No. But that's not mine to "choose."
They are the gifts God gave me.
I will confess that when one's focus or point of view shifts this dramatically, other things/people are affected. Ron and I may never have sons- or daughters-in-law to bring into our family or grandchildren to spoil (my heart twinges - mostly in good ways - when I see all my friends and their grandchildren...what a blessing!). I pray that one day those things will happen, but right now I live in the reality that they might not. And I can't say I'm okay with that.
I'm reminded of a line from "To Kill a Mockingbird." Atticus was admonishing Scout not to pass judgment on people..."You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."
I've not walked around in the skin of my children...but they are my skin.
Post Script: The last decade or so has been a huge period of growth for our family. Some of it painful, but most of it highly enriched and eye-opening. We are closer now than ever and have settled into a healthy, honest and often times very humorous existence. Believe me...you wouldn't believe some of the things we've talked about...
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