those €£+*%}\{}<>^*}~> commercials

I seriously don't how I functioned before the invention of DVR.  There are those who would argue that fire, or indoor plumbing or the polio vaccine should be at the top of everyone's List of Greatest Inventions ever.

But I shun those people because, truth be told, I am a personage who is very shallow and extremely self centered.  I'm not ashamed to admit it, because, by setting the bar so low, perhaps one or two people I meet will find me just a little less repugnant than the reputation that precedes me.

Back to the miracle that is the Holy Grail of television geeks.  By my very unscientific measurements, there are approximately 18 minutes of paid advertising during a one hour time slot.  I can think of a whole snorkel of things I could do for eighteen minutes every hour.  At the top of my list is NOT watching commercials.

Here's why.

I don't want to watch a Broadway revue-style song and dance about new carpeting.  Who green-lights something like that?

I don't want to watch those gross mucus people moving back into some poor sap's chest for the winter.

I don't want to watch Mr. Sun coaxing his fellow solar system buddies into eating a microwaved breakfast sandwich.

I don't want to watch everything from M&M's to new radial tires being sold through sexual innuendos.

I don't want to watch two people watching the sunset whilst perched in matching claw footed tubs.  Perhaps the answer doesn't lie in a pill...perhaps a claw footed tub for two might work.

I don't want to be told that I'll "enjoy the go" better with an extra soft bum tissue.

And I never, ever, for the rest of my life want to be told to "have a happy period."

Don't even think about it.